The truth about breastfeeding, it sucks...literally. The first month that Ezra was born, he was a champion breast feeder! Or so, we thought he was. He would cry, eat and fall back asleep. We'd tickle his toes, stroke his face, talk to him to try to keep him awake, but he loved falling asleep when he ate. At our first month appointment, he has only gained a few ounces and there was concern for weight gain. I pumped milk to make sure I was producing enough, and he ate what I was producing from a bottle. From that day forward, he's only wanted bottles. It was heart wrenching when he screamed at my breast and wouldn't eat at first. All I wanted was to be able to breastfeed. I continued pumping so that he could continue eating. We quickly watched his weight increase as he bottle fed rather than from the breast. It was incredibly stressful at first because I was pumping just what he was eating. There were a few nights where I was pumping a bottle for him as he slept and if the sound of the pump woke him up, he'd have to wait until I was done before eating. I stayed vigilant and keep pumping every 3 hours. I ate the cookies. Tried the herbs. Saw consultants. And now all I wanted was for him to get breast milk, and I didn't care how. It's funny how quickly I went from only wanting to breastfeed, to only wanting him to eat breast milk, bottle or breast. My supply, like Ezra's weight slowly increased over time and now I double what he eats and store the rest. I'll be honest though, pumping sucks. It's hard work and I'm slave to the pump which means I have to time my outings to be 3 hours or less. I go back to work tomorrow and I hope I can continue making this much milk.
When Ezra was born, my goal was to breastfeed for one year. Now that I exclusively pump, my goal is 6 months. A few weeks ago, my goal was the end of the day, everyday. It's too bad that breastfeeding from my breast didn't work out for longer. We thought it worked for the first month, but he wasn't getting enough milk that way. His second month of life taking breast milk from a bottle has rapidly increased his weight and he is doing a lot better! He will breastfeed in between meals to soothe or "snack" but his main meals come from bottles so we can track his ounces.
It sucks that breast feeding wasn't easier for us, but I am so proud of myself for sticking with pumping and giving our little guy my milk for as long as I can. It's not easy, but it's so worth it.
***We had to buy a larger fridge yesterday because our freezer has run out of room for storing milk. That's a pretty big deal considering just one month ago I was frantic worrying if I was going to make enough for his next bottle. Patting myself on the back...